Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?

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The Bottom Line

Everyone knows someone with ADHD but symptoms too often get dismissed as forgetfulness, disorganization or plain moodiness. The condition can wreak havoc on relationships, so learn to recognize it as a first step toward finding treatment and solutions.

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I. Introduction

About 5 percent of adults in the U.S. have ADHD (also known as ADD), and many more cases may go unreported. Yet despite its ability to disrupt partnerships, Gina Pera found scant mention of the disorder in her stacks of relationship self-help books. Failing to recognize what’s driving a behavior can lead to bad advice, so Pera took it upon herself to paint a fuller picture.

Pera may be a reporter but she didn’t come at the project as an outsider. Her boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD, she’s written about the topic for years, and she ran an online support group for partners of ADHD sufferers.

Her book is based on input from more than a thousand people she spoke with, as well as interviews with scientists and therapists, her personal experience, and results from a survey of 111 people dating someone with untreated ADHD. What she learned is both amusing and heartbreaking — and points toward practical solutions.

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II. Mistaking ADHD for Annoying Behavior

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III. Money, Sex and Conflict

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IV. Help Yourself to Help Your Partner

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V. Denial Is a Deal Breaker

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VI. The Ins and Outs of Therapy

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VII. Strategies for Resolving Five Hot Spots

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